Letâs pretend for a second that this âquestionâ doesnât come off as vaguely hostile, that I didnât have to make several police reports last year about people stalking me in person to âsee if I looked whiteâ, and that I havenât received harassment or death threats based entirely on what people assume is my racial identity, as well my actual racial identity. Letâs also pretend that what I look like is some kind of secret, that I havenât posted about my racial identity openly on this blog and associated media, that I havenât spoken at events in person as MedievalPoC, and that hundreds of people whoâve read this blog havenât also witnessed my physical manifestation in the flesh, demonstrating that I am neither a ghost, nor a sophisticated Turing machine barfing out posts into the great void of the internets.
The thing about genocide, both cultural and physical, is that it erases human histories. Iâm mostly Native American, I have non-white European ancestry, and Iâm something like Âź white. And since weâre getting personal, Iâll let you in on something: I can never really know my history for sure, not in the way that many other people are able to. That disconnect is a source of constant grief and loss to me, every day that I am alive.
People of Color in the United States have been systematically disenfranchised for centuries. We are told explicitly and implicitly that we donât have histories, and/or that they arenât important. We are shown in many ways, through many vehicles, that even now we donât exist. And in turn, this deliberate destruction of history and identity is used to delegitimize us as human beings.
And if you canât parse that sentence, let me put it another way: the first time I was asked the question, âWhat are you?â I was in kindergarten, and the only answer I had then was âI donât know.â
The great thing about Medievalpoc is that my personal ideologies can be utterly ignored or removed from the content here, since it mostly consists of images, research, and text sources. I do my best to summarize or explain it in order to be accessible to anyone, not just academics. It is meant to be disseminated as widely as possible, adapted for use in classrooms, read for fun, or shared with friends and family. Additionally, I try to show others how they can do their own research, and make better creative choices.
Removing a personâs history and context drastically affects the formation of their sense of self, their sense of identity. It is an injury to their humanity. Connecting other people to this information is, for me, like replacing something that has been stolen or kept away from someone who is entitled to it. For multiple reasons, I most likely will never be able to reconnect with my own history in that way, but trying to help others feel empowered to seize their own does a little bit towards ameliorating that hurt.
These ideas arenât new, and they arenât particularly unique.
My fatherâs father was Filipino-Chinese⌠My fatherâs mother was
African American-Native American⌠My motherâs father was
German-Danish⌠My motherâs mother was German⌠I was born in
Brooklyn, New York, but I grew up in JapanâŚ
For once itâs not just
black and white. In this compelling chronicle of his journey through
life as a multicultural and multiethnic American, Teja Arboleda uniquely
and personally challenges institutionalized notions of race, culture,
ethnicity, and class. Now, in this
book, he fleshes out the depth of his experience as a culturally and
racially mixed American, illustrating throughout the enigma of cultural
and racial identity and the American identity crisis.
-From the description for Teja Arboledaâs In the Shadow of Race: Growing Up as a Multiethnic, Multicultural, and âMultiracialâ American (1998).
I am perfectly capable of seeing that the general idea behind this kind of personal attack is to delegitimize the content here by implying that I have lied at some point about who I am, and therefore am untrustworthy and must surely be capable of all manner of nefarious deeds.
And hereâs the thing. None of that holds any water whatsoever. In the end, itâs irrelevant to what this whole project is about. People will quite literally make up anything, say anything, repeat rumors and generally foment drama for its own sake. Or as a scaremongering tactic, a silencing tactic, and an attempt to derail discussions. Or just because they feel entitled to increasingly invasive personal information about me.
Theyâre not, and youâre not. So then, you might wonder, why did I bother to write this? Simply because while I know all of this is out there, you in particular decided that you just couldnât allow me to continue ignoring the frankly ridiculous wastes of time time I could indulge in if I were to seek them out. You ignored my repeated requests to respect that, came into my inbox and tried to make THEIR problem into MY problem. Also, sending someone a message like this is rude.
And incidentally, I saw a teaching moment.
Holy shit.