The Great Old Pumpkin, by John Aegard
You must know, Doctor, that I did not choose to seek psychiatric help. I have no faith that I shall exit this room a healed man; I know now that I have been destined for the asylum since childhood. No mere conversation with you can steer me clear of that fate. That said, let us proceed with this court-compelled farce before my mad prattle provokes your crabbiness further.
As you are no doubt aware, I am the issue of solid Dutch stock – the prosperous Van Pelt family of St. Paul. Bonus (while supplies last): It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
